getting older SUCKS

I am in a definite funk. I actually think I'm getting a little depressed. I have no control over anything in my life right now and it's driving me nuts! There are so few friends left here that I actually care to spend time with, and I rarely get the chance to see them. If it wasn't for D&D on Sundays, I think I would snap. And I may have that taken away from me, because it's like, the ONE fucking day that is impossible for me to get off, and just so happens to be the only day everyone else is free. It's not fucking fair. And now I'm at risk of getting cut from the game because I can't make it on Sundays, which really sucks. I have more availability than anyone else playing and I'm the one who might get cut.
Right now, D&D is my only social time. Seriously. Well, I see Terry during the week too, but thats different. Plus I don't get to spend nearly as much time with him as I want. I just feel so cut off from everybody. I'm like a little hermit living all alone with nothing but my fish for company. You want to know what I do in my spare time now? I bake, clean, and sit around in my underwear watching movies. I'd like to go out, but other than work or groceries, I really don't seem to have a reason to. I could go shopping or to a movie or something, but those are things that are much more enjoyable with a friend. I'm just so sick of being alone. I've had enough alone time.
It doesn't help that work is depressing me. I can't get any time off ever because I'm the newest person and I don't count for anything yet. I'm going to have to work straight through the holidays. Christmas is one of my favorite times of the year, and I'm going to be stuck in the casino with a bunch of rude, unappreciative people. I probably wont get to see my family at all. I was wanting to fly to Calgary and see my dad's family, whom I haven't seen in a few years now. And my poor brother is only 8. He will be so disappointed if I'm not there for Christmas. Apparently people with children have priority over days off at Christmas. Well, I may not have kids, but I still have a fucking family. And I'm lonely. I feel like a slave. I'm becoming so unhappy at the casino already. If it wasn't for the fact that the money is so good, and that Heather worked hard to get me hired, I would have walked out a month ago.
I just... hate where I am right now. I never wanted to end up in a job that depresses me. I never wanted to end up being lonely and sad all the time and without any friends to spend time with. I'm so lucky my love life is stable, because I honestly don't know how I would handle all this if I didn't have Terry. He seems to be the only thing working out for me right now. I'm so grateful just to have him and I'm scared everyday that something is going to go bad.
Hmm. I wonder if I can book off vacation time yet. I could definitely use a break from life right now.