Sick of coming in last

I feel like total, worthless trash lately. Like nobody really gives a fuck about me or my feelings. I mean, for starters, hardly any of my friends have talked to me at all since I moved, and the people who did talk to me have stopped. Just because I moved doesn't mean I've died or something. I'm still around and I need my friends more than ever right now. I've been having such a hard time and I've had hardly anyone to talk to. The only person who talks to me regularly is Dave. Well, and Amber when she gets the chance to be online. But really? Just two people? How sad is that?? Is it really so hard to message me on Facebook and ask me how I am? Or to start a convo on MSN, when I sit online pretty much all day? Or even to actually TALK to me when I try to contact you first?

Apparently for most of my friends, it is. I feel totally shunned and isolated and they don't seem to give a fuck. Well gee. Thanks guys. I try hard to maintain my friendships. I try to talk to Amber, Alleah, Jo and Lee, and many other friends who I don't get to see often whenever I get the chance. Even if I don't get to hang out with them, I'll at least send them a message and ask how they're doing. Is it so much to ask that I get a little bit of love in return?? It's like nobody wants to actually be my friend unless it's convenient for them, and taking time out of their oh so busy schedules to check up on their lonely friend is just too much.

I've been so lonely and increasingly depressed, and even when I try to talk to some people about it I just get snubbed. So I'm at the point where I think, why should I bother? They obviously aren't interested, and they NEVER message me, so I might as well stop trying.

And now, the one person I thought I could talk to about everything, the one person I thought would always care about my feelings, seems to want to distance me like everyone else has. This one hurts the most. I can't even seem to straighten out my feelings on it and actually explain how it's hurting me, and every time I try I seem to make it worse....

You know... I'm really sick of guys. It seems that every guy I fall for turns out to be just as selfish and dishonest as the last. I'm sick of being lied to, I'm sick of broken promises, and I'm sick of being heartbroken. Why can't I find a guy who genuinely wants to make me happy? Someone who will love me and care about what I have to say, and actually keep his fucking promises? Someone who can't wait to talk to me every day, and actually wants to spend time with me? I don't need someone who is super gorgeous, or super smart, or super athletic, etc. All I want is a guy who is genuine, who will love me, and actually give a fuck about ME. Is that really so much to ask???

God... I'm just so sick of this. I don't even want to go meet new people, because I'm always the one who gets disappointed and shunned. I always seem to be the friend that people forget about, or the girl that guys get tired of after they make me fall for them. Well guess what people. I have feelings too, and it's fucking MEAN to play with them. If you don't want to be around me, then stop pretending. Let me know now so I'll stop wasting my time on people who don't really care about me.