When life gives you lemons...

...Throw them back and ask for something better.


It's funny, I rarely post here anymore, and every time I do it's usually because I'm going through another bout of misery. But I suppose that's because I can spew all the crap I want to spew without actually having to spew it at someone. (I said spew to many times in that sentance...)

Anyway, here's a current update.

Life is kind of sucking right now. I am so sick of my job. I hate it so much I get angry just being there. It's like, the second I step through those doors I start hating everything and everyone around me. I'm finding it harder and harder to not snap at customers, or tell management where to shove the company. And every time I mention any of this to people, they say "at least you're not working at McDonalds for 8 bucks an hour." Do you know what, I'd RATHER work at McDonalds. Considering I've thought about throwing myself down the stairs at work 'accidentally on purpose' just so I wont have to be there, yeah. I think I'd rather work at McDicks.
The problem is, I'm totally stuck. The money I make is too good to just quit. And I have benefits. Now that I've had benefits it would be really hard not to have them. But what else can I do?? I completely fucked up my schooling and have accomplished nothing really. And the training I do have, I can't apply anywhere cuz I'm stuck in Buttfuck Nanaimo. And even if I were to find something decent in theatre, I could never do it because I always work nights at the fucking casino, and they would never give me the time off I need. They wouldn't even give my friend Cailean a week off to see his sick grandmother, I highly doubt they'd give me two months of nights off.
And I'm so SICK of asshole customers and rude people. I keep being told to brush it off and not be so sensitive, but that's who I am. I expect MANNERS from people and I'm not the kind of person who lets herself be pushed around by middle-aged assholes who are willingly throwing away their money and blaming me for it. The customers in there are APPALLING. It literally makes me shake in anger.
So if anyone knows of any jobs in Nananimo that pay at least 10 bucks an hour for 40 hours a week and has medical and dental coverage, PLEASE let me know.

On another note, I'm being driven crazy at home too. Although the two people who actually read my blog already know this, I'm living with Terry, his sister, and her boyfriend. Things are fine with Terry and I, but his sister is driving me NUTS! She parades around here like she owns the house and expects us to treat her like the boss or something. Everything has to be how Heather wants it. I'm so sick of feeling like I should be grateful to her, because she's letting me live in HER home. When really, it's TOTALLY the other way around. The only reason Terry and I are living with her in the first place is because she fucked up her life yet again and had nowhere else to go. I could have refused to help her (and if I had known this would happen, I would have.) But because I'm a good person, I put all my plans on hold and decided to live with Heather. She should be grateful to me and Terry for uprooting ourselves to help her out.
And this isn't the first time Terry has done it either. Heather totally uses him, then takes him for granted. Like now, she treats us like tenants instead of roommates. She has absolutely no concept on how to share a space with someone else and it drives me absolutely crazy!
Terry and I have talked about this a few times, but it's always the same.. he defends her and her opinions and I'm left feeling upset and attacked and I end up dropping the whole thing because I don't want to fight with him on top of everything else.
I've looked for my own apartment several times, and I have a feeling that if things don't change, I wont be here much longer. I just can't stand it anymore, and being so miserable at home AND work just isn't good for me. Heather's awful attitude is actually starting to affect my relationship with Terry and I refuse to let that happen. So I am seriously considering moving out, if for nothing but the health of my relationship. I hate putting him in the middle (although Heather has absolutely no problem doing it, apparently I'm too scary to talk to... *eyeroll*) and I think it would be better for everyone if I just didn't live in this house anymore.

I have to admit, I have considered just quitting my job and moving back to Campbell River for a few months just to.. re-stabilize. Then maybe I'd go to Vancouver, since all my friends seem to be migrating there anyway. And if I did go back to CR for a while, I could actually VISIT with friends again, instead of trying to squeeze in a quick coffee before work, and I could be there for when Mike's baby is born. I could actually SEE and SPEND TIME with my friends and family again. But I would miss Terry so much. I hardly get to see him as it is because of work, and if I lived two hours away it would be even less time we spent together. But I'm just so sick and tired of Nanaimo and all the bullshit I've put up with here. I feel trapped here and I just can't stand this damned city anymore. I have no idea what I should do, but I know I have to do SOMETHING or I'm going to keep on being miserable. Maybe I should just sell everything I own and move to Jamaica or something.