So recently I've kind of lost direction with my life. Before I was determined to work in theatre, whether backstage or on stage. When I left the theatre program, I was dead set on getting a job in technical theatre and was hoping to audition lots as well. But I've been at the casino for almost a year, and out of the program for at least that, and I have no idea what I want anymore. Obveously I still love theatre, but is it really what I want to persue? Or should it be a hobby? I definitely don't want to be a lifer at the casino, hell, I'll shoot myself if I'm there for more than 5 or 6 years. But what else can I do?? I have no other post secondary schooling, and I didn't even finish the theatre program completely. I have pretty much no credentials, no areas of expertise, and no knowledge of anything other than theatre, really. I want a good job that pays great and that I love, but will I ever find that?? Does such a thing even exist?
I really envy Terry sometimes, because although he gets screwed around at Cactus Club a lot, I know he really loves cooking. He is so passionate and cute when he trys out new recipies and he gets this glimmer in his eyes when he talks about cooking. Regardless of the bull shit he puts up with, I can tell it's something he really loves to do. I really wish I could find that. I don't think I could handle going back to school though, it's not really a place I enjoy. I hate the way the education system is, and I hate paying thousands of dollars to take classes I hate and will skip. I try to picture my life 10, even 20 years down the road, and the future is such a haze is scares me. I know I want to get married and have a family some day, but when it comes to what I will do to actually support that family, I have no fucking clue. I could try the housewife thing, but honestly, I think I would get bored, and I would be really lonely. Most of the people I hang out with these days are people I met at work. If I didn't work, I bet I would find it really hard to have a social life.
I just wish that something good would come along and inspire me to direct my life in the right direction. With the exception of my relationship, I totally feel like I'm just floating along in life, like I have no real purpose yet, and it's really depressing. I really don't hate working at the casino as much as I say, it's an easy job and it pays very well. But it's really disheartining to think that it may be all my future holds in the career department. I often feel embarassed telling people where I work, you know. I wish I could say some thing cool, tell people I have a real career. I feel like I'm going to be stuck in that "I'm just paying off my student loans" kind of job forever. What a frightening thought.
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6 comments:
Kaitlyn, you are smart and talented and too good to be stuck in a dead end job - which you won't be. Sometimes the right career comes along when you don't expect it and it might not even be something you considered doing. I was in much the same position, not sure at all where anything was going (working at NCO and hating it and not wanting to do it forever but having no clue what to do next) and then Iris came along. If someone had've told me 5 years ago that this is what I'd be doing, I'd have laughed like they were crazy.
My rambling point being, just keep your options open and maybe when you least expect it, your passion will hit you :) It will either hit you or you will go back to school when you decide what you want to do. I will happen one way or another :)
Thanks Drea ♥
I know this fear all too well kaitlyn
BUT lets say you do decide to be a housewife. If we live near eachother, neither of us would be bored housewives... but we might be of the alcoholic nature :P LOL
ooh can i join? lol
For sure!!! The more the merrier when it comes to boozin' housewives!!
This is the same way I've been feeling since I finished my photography... just.. lost.
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